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Feb. 26th, 2008

Knitted Penis Chapstick Holder

My sister's bachelorette party is wednesday, and I wanted to knit her something funny and naughty. The smallest naughty thing I found (besides pasties) was the penis chapstick holder (thanks to Lindsay), but they're all either crocheted or the knit ones don't have patterns.. so I'm winging it.

knitted penis chapstick holder #1 (sans testes) went pretty well.



There's a couple things I want to change, and I think it'll be good.
I'm gonna post the pattern here when I'm satisfied (hahaha).

Okay, here's what I got (still working on testes). Let me know if something's not right:




PENIS
Size 3 dpn’s
> 1 skein Patons Classic Merino Wool
It would probably take less time to just eyeball some chapstick and your yarn’s label than to swatch for this. Patons Classic Merino Wool label says 20sts/26rows = 4in/10cm on size 7 needles.
Worked in the round from the base up:
CO 12sts (I used long-tail) on size 3 dpn’s.
Arrange stitches over DPN’s and join to work in the round.
Row 1-20: *k2, p2 repeat from * (or k1,p1 ribbing)
21: knit
22: *m1, k1 repeat from *. 24 sts.
23-24: knit
25: *k2tog, k4 repeat from *
Even rows: knit
27: k2, k2tog, k7, k2tog, k7
29: k2, k2tog, k6, k2tog, k to end
31: *k2tog, k2 repeat from *
32: *k2tog repeat from *
Cut yarn and pull tail through remaining sts. Weave in ends.

TESTES (make 2)
CO 8 sts. Arrange on dpn's. leave long tail for attaching to penis.
1: knit
2: *m1, k1 repeat from *
3: knit
4: *m1, k1 repeat from *
5-7: knit
8: *k2tog repeat from *
9: knit
10: *k2tog repeat from *
Stuff.
Cut yarn and pull through remaining stitches. Weave in ends.
Attach CO side to penis.

Sep. 29th, 2007

(no subject)

Jen, your Chinese sign is:

The PIG … THE PRISTINE PIG

Mantra: Honesty opens all doors.

The Pig is true to his goals and beliefs. Their natural simplicity makes Pigs popular and loyal - once a friend, they'll be your friends for life. Pigs can be stubborn, but they will give in for the sake of peace. A Pig is happy to share what he or she has but needs to be the one taking the initiative in giving and wants to be rewarded for it. Sensual and energetic, she is persuasive and perceptive. The Pig sees and remembers everything.

Pigs love the truth and will try to look at things from both sides in order to find it. They can't lie, and so it is not always easy to live with them -- they tell it like it is, every time. They are always trying to strike a balance between what is the right thing to do for themselves and for others. But if you have lied to them once, they will not even consider your opinion again. They are full of wisdom and can discuss anything, since they have checked it all out before they speak. You can trust their knowledge -- they approach things scientifically, with everything being checked in detail. But because of their devotion to the truth above all else, they can be overly critical of others and turn away potential friends.

Love for the Pig Woman

These women enjoy life, and love is a great game for them. They are more charming than the male Pig. They are good listeners but enjoy talking and cuddling too. Elegant dressers, Pig women are reserved but warmhearted. You can seduce them with affection, openness and a love of family. They make great mothers, but they don't like their children to cheat.

Money for the Pig

Pigs can live and spend as ... well ... pigs. But they can afford it, as they tend to be fortunate with money. They are lucky in gambling and lotteries and find a way to manifest extra cash when they need it. They will help anyone in financial need, but they will not touch their savings for this. Don't borrow from a Pig and then come with excuses when you can't pay them back. In a situation like this, it will be much better to tell the truth, as Pigs value honesty above all else.


February 18, 2007 - February 6, 2008

Year of the Fire Pig

The Pig does not always have the best luck in the Year of the Pig. You can encounter many frustrations and obstacles while trying to accomplish your goals. Don't be too hard on yourself, though, or you may create too much stress in your body that could lead to infections or illness. Drink a lot of water to strengthen your kidneys and reduce the amount of sugar in your diet. On the bright side, the stars are shining brightly on both your love life and social life. As the Yin Fire Pig -- also called the Pink Pig -- you'll feel attractive and in your element at parties and meetings with like-minded people. You have the energy and enthusiasm to make all your dreams come true. Budgeting will help you focus on what is really important. Your spiritual side will emerge, but living in a monastery is definitely too extreme for you.

Feng Shui Tip: Place an image or a statue of a pig in the northern area of your living room and put your files in order. Always have water with you on your journey.





Famous Pigs:

Bryan Adams
Woody Allen
Julie Andrews
Fred Astaire
Lucille Ball
Humphrey Bogart
Glenn Close
Richard Dreyfuss
Farrah Fawcett
Ernest Hemingway
Barry Gibb
Alfred Hitchcock
Elton John
Kevin Kline
Jerry Lee Lewis
Dudley Moore
Marie Osmond
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Steven Spielberg
Emma Thompson

Aug. 14th, 2007

(no subject)

Say not in grief that she is no more
but say in thankfulness that she was
--Tagore

(no subject)

Aug. 13th, 2007

(no subject)

Jul. 10th, 2007

(no subject)

oh my holy craps.. Wicked was awesome! I'm glad I didn't read the book beforehand. so many surprises! it was the last performance and both leads were u/s. they totally rocked it! ah, some of elpheba's singing gave me chills and made me cry cause it was so good. guh-linda was freakin hilarious. i'm so glad i got to see it. amazing.

Jul. 8th, 2007

(no subject)

Here's Aiyanna's bag. The color of green is much deeper than these pics show. It's a modified version of this.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Eww, the color in the third pic is not right at all! The top two pics show a better color but it's still darker and prettier.
I'm pretty sure I knitted everything backwards except for the strap and front lace flap. I liked how it was going until I finished and the stockinette curled at the edge just under the lace flap. I've been messing with it to try and figure out how to stiffen or tighten that edge.. no success yet. I think I might just roll it a pinch and pin it that way.. i still don't like the roll, but at least that way it would be minimal and consistent.. AND it would push forward the top of the lace flap and make it look fuller. I thought about adding an icord frog closure? to the middle panel of the flap.. but I decided I liked it better the way it is.

Jul. 7th, 2007

(no subject)

instead of doing schoolwork i was reading dirty jokes.. bad jen! bad!

but this is totally made me think of the SO: (okay but i changed some of the quotes)

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Wanna do it?" She replies, "I have a gyn appointment tomorrow, and I'm not supposed to have sex the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"
 



my mom got married today in vegas. both of my sisters went. lucky beeches. they called me earlier so i could listen to the ceremony. 
a while back, after my mom's [husband] (that's weird) found out i was thinking about getting a tattoo, he thought all of us (my mom, myself, and my sisters) should get matching tattoos. is that rednecky? he thought i should design it too. but for years i've wrestled my imagination for what i want for myself to no avail. we're all so different.. i didn't think i could create something we'd all be happy with. anyway, my sister just called me from vegas to ask if i wanted them to wait for me to get tattoos. damn it. yes. damn it. there was disappointment in her response.... damn it. i feel left out and forgotten a lot in my family.. because i have a child i think and a lot of their activities and things aren't great for little ones. they called me though. i have a wretched thinking pattern. my thoughts ruin everything. i'd like to feel yay they're waiting for me and we're all going to get tattoos together when they get back.. but i feel bad like an inconvenience that they can't get them in vegas. it's vegas! damn it. i'm so broke. i guess we're getting stars? not sure what i think about that yet.. but they don't have to be exactly the same or in the same place. i was thinking white.. if they can tell me white will look like a scar against my pastey skin. i was thinking under the armpit inner bicep or under the armpit ribs/side or under a boob (but maybe family thing under boob not so great) or i dont know.. maybe my cheek haha.. no. maybe my middle finger.. oh that would be perfect. i'm silly. ;)

ah shit.. i finished that horseshoe lace bag for Aiyanna. i'm giving it to her tomorrow, and i haven't taken a picture yet! eek! don't forget! don't forget! don't forget!

Jun. 29th, 2007

(no subject)

on paperbackswap.com, the lady i ordered Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett from, she messaged me earlier asking if I wanted another of her books for free. Woot! and then i messaged her back with my pick, and she offered a third for free! WOOT! she's trying to get rid of her current collection (running out of space) and fill it up with sci-fi. anyway, if any of you use paperbackswap.com and want to check out what she has listed, she'd offer you a second (and probably third) book for free until she's rid of what she doesn't want anymore. Check her out: http://kstar.paperbackswap.com/profile/

in my oven right now is an experiment. i had 4 bananas going bad. it's been a long time since i made banana bread. i looked up a recipe right quick, and then after i started throwing things together i couldn't find the baking soda. hmm.. but i had baking powder.. looked up online if i could substitute. it looks a great deal easier to make baking powder substitute w/ baking soda and cream of tartar, but not so great the other way around. baking soda is 4 times stronger than baking powder, but each is designed to deal with different types of foods (acidic vs. basic) and you supposedly can't just substitute 4x's the amt of baking soda w/ baking powder because of the extra ingredients in baking powder. i love chemistry. so i guessed a baking powder amt.. used some applesauce instead of butter.. threw in some cinnamon, ginger, and raisins.. it didn't seem as thick as i remember banana bread batter being, but i'm baking it in a cake pan anyway, heheh. ;) right before i was about to put the batter in the pan, i found the damn baking soda... so i threw some in too. so far the smell has made it all worth it. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm num num

**bread turned out pretty good. i think it baked for about 30-35min. not sure i like it with raisins AND applesauce. maybe just one or the other next time.. w/ nuts maybe.. maybe. the only really not so great thing is you'd think i dumped the whole jar of ginger in there. hot damn! my mouth's on FIYA!

Oh! Quincunx by Charles Palliser showed up today! i haven't started on Wicked yet. I'm almost finished with Aiyanna's purse/bag. i finished the body of it, and now i just need to finish the strap and sew it all up. i'll take a pic when it's done. then i can start working on my mom's wedding present.. bought the yarn and needles the other day. here it is: http://knitty.com/ISSUEspring07/PATTisabella.html

Jun. 26th, 2007

(no subject)

what the hell

yesterday my landlord was here. for some reason he brought two other people (electricians?) with him. the upstairs bathroom outlets weren't working for some reason. as he was walking upstairs with the other two guys, he said something like 'find any money lately?' I said 'what?' He said 'find any big chunks of money lately?' I said 'Oh, no. I wish.' Turns out he was serious, which I didn't realize at first. He said the other day when he was here all day working on the plumbing he lost $1500. holy shit! 1500? who the crap walks around with $1500 CASH in their pocket? i had no idea what to say when i realized he was serious. i was shocked and later offended that he was so doubtless that he might have lost it anywhere but here.. and that we may have found it and not said anything. I know there's not really a good way to have a conversation like that.. well maybe casually throwing out a 'hey, i lost a shitload of money the other day. i was in and out of here and out and about so much that day it could be anywhere. would you let me know if you come across it?' saying it once is all that's required. had i come across that amount of money in here after he was here throughout that day.. even if he hadn't told me he lost it.. it wouldn't have taken much thought to realize it was probably his. i realize we just moved in here, and he doesn't really know us that well. i'm still offended though. i feel really bad that he lost so much money, and if i had a random $1500 sitting in my bank account with no determined purpose, i'd be tempted to give it to him and say 'hey look what i found.' i really hope he finds it somewhere other than here.. like his truck or something. i know how frantic i would be if i lost just a tiny portion of that amt. shit, i'm going crazy here because we're missing a set of keys. which unfortunately after all that.. made me wonder if my landlord grabbed them :( this really sucks. Dustin bent the house key, then i broke it trying to bend it back.. then we couldn't find the other set of keys that were here this morning when the landlord was fixing more of the wall. we had to leave before he did.. and that's shitty. i don't want to think my landlord might have taken my keys. we don't have a key to here now. and now we're missing two keys to the old place that were going to be turned in in a few days.. that's $100 right there for missing keys. fucking shit. what a stupid last two hours. i'm going to bed.

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